It Only Hurts When I Cry

Let’s just get this out of the way - Bourbon Blues nearly kicked my butt. Every year, one book throws me off my game. In 2014, Damaged and the Dragon enjoyed the honor. Last year was In the Wind. I don’t know what happens to me during this time of the year, but I struggle mightily with stories that should prove simple.

After stopping a dozen times, trashing over 20,000 words that weren’t working, and putting out an erotica short, I have finally published Bourbon Blues. With that book behind me, I’ve immediately jumped into writing Black Sheep and Whiskey Blues. So far, I’ve made decent work of the first one and plan to have it out in June.

I’m relieved I bailed on a few signings I had scheduled for this summer. There’s no way I’d manage my yearly release plans if I traveled right now. I do miss packing up and hitting the road with Roo. Staying in hotels and eating out is fun, but it’ll have to wait until August and October.

With healthy sales for Bourbon Blues, I’ve enjoyed two solid releases in a row (skipping the under the radar erotica short). I don’t know if it’s simply the time of the year or pure luck, but I’ve recently been discovered by new readers. In 2015, I spent a lot more money on promotions and made less. While I do need to get around to promoting the old books, the new ones have found traction on their own. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but it’s a pleasant surprise after three years writing as Bijou.

Recently, I’ve tried to post more regularly on my Bijou page by scheduling something for each day. I am not someone who appreciates having the same things spammed nearly daily from authors, so I avoid doing it myself. I see some authors posting about their “new releases” six months after the books are released. It’s obnoxious, but they must get a positive response from someone or else they’d stop. Even if it’s a strong marketing tool, I can’t do it. I have trouble pimping myself. If I ever got better at networking, I’d probably sell more books. I don’t like kissing ass and tend to flock to people I enjoy rather than those who might help my career. Sounds honorable, but it simply means I’m too stubborn to learn new skills.

Besides scheduling my weekly posts and doing a daily login to respond to messages, wish people happy birthday, and share a few things, I try to stay off FB. There’s so much drama, and it’s only getting worse. Publishers are failing. Formerly successful authors are struggling. The election season is riling up everyone. I wish I could say I’m above all the drama, but it’s damn addictive. That’s why I stay away from FB. If I’m logged in, I’m drawn to it.

Speaking of drama, STGRB seems to be down for the long haul. Though I haven’t posted on the BBA Whisperer blog in over two years, I kept it up to refute the lies on STGRB. With the snot-green site on hiatus, I’ve followed suit with the Whisperer blog. When I started publishing, BBAs and STGRB were ruining everyone’s fun. Now things have shifted, and authors are savvier about reviews and appropriate business behavior. For those writers who occasionally freak out, no doubt someone will care about their antics, but it won’t be me.

There just isn't time for drama in this market. So many new authors publish every day. They want a piece of the pie, and they deserve a chance to be read. If I hope to compete with them, I can’t spend the day posting about what candidate said what or who wronged who or jumping on whatever outrage topic is currently popular. Gossip and drama won’t sell my books or pay my bills. There was a time when successful authors could publish a book a year. I know there are a few indies with such big followings that they can still write and publish like the old days. Their one release is huge and keeps performing long after it’s released. The average author doesn’t enjoy this luxury.

As tough as the market is currently, so many authors are making so much money. These (mostly) women have built businesses out of nothing more than an idea. Whenever anyone complains about Amazon, returns, or market trends, I think about how many new authors have blossomed from dreamers into entrepreneurs in the last few years.

On that positive note, I better get back to writing to ensure June proves to be a productive month for me.

Turn It On, Turn It Up, Turn Me Loose

April is somehow over. The month blew by, and I nearly didn’t get a release completed in time. Rather than publish a Bijou book, I finished writing my first erotic romance and published it under a new pen name. I really enjoyed writing something with no expectations. I got to be as dirty as I wanted, which honestly was pretty vanilla compared to what else’s out there. Still I enjoyed going wild (for me). The story has done reasonably well with really no promo, reaching 3000 on Amazon today. I have a few other erotic stories in mind for the pen name.

Publishing diversity is a solid way to keep my writing from becoming stale. I will eventually write Christian romances using my Dakota pen name. I plan a few horror-themed romances too, and my beta reader asked if I might write paranormal romances. I have a lot of ideas, but now I need to get moving.

Bourbon Blues is almost finished FINALLY. What a difference a few days make. April was another one of those emotional months with family issues distracting me. I wasn’t certain I could even finish the book in May. Now I’m aiming for a May 20^th release date. Fingers crossed that the rest of the week is as productive as today.

In my last post, I wrote about ways to deal with depression. My main tool is choosing to fight the negativity. Depression is treatable like most illnesses. Positive thinking is all it takes, but thinking positive can be difficult if you don’t choose that path. Some people embrace their unhappiness until their depression defines them.

The other night, I felt overwhelmed by a million little things. All of the negativity built up in my mind and I couldn’t find relief. So what did I do? I made the choice to be happy by finding something to pull me from my dark funk. In this case, I played Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 with Roo. I'm still horrible at the game but improving at “free for all.” An hour of playing with Roo left me laughing easily. While the funk lingered in the background, I made the choice to fight it.

I have a lot to be thankful for. My middle baby, Pooh, celebrated his 19^th birthday yesterday. He went through so much the last few years, but he’s finally in a good place. All I want for him is health and happiness. Right now, he’s found both, and I pray he remains blessed for a long time. With Mother’s Day nearly here, I can think of no greater gifts than my boys’ frequent smiles.

So May is here, and deadlines are looming. I’m confident I can put out another Bijou book and get myself back on track. After Bourbon Blues, I’m ready to jump into Black Sheep. I also have another erotic romance story in mind, and I’m planning to finally give Lost Highway a try.

Here’s hoping your first week of May is as fortunate as mine.

Dance the Night Away

There’s no denying I’ve been in a funk the last few weeks. March always drags me into a bad place, yet knowing something is coming doesn’t make it easier to deal. This month, I dealt with grief over Tigger. I gained friends and lost others. I felt both thrilled and overwhelmed by the unexpected success of Junkyard Dog.

I have a few tools I use to deal with my funks (or depression if we’re getting technical).

Music is an obvious one. When moody, I crave Mazzy Starr and Christina Perri. Of course, those are terrible choices when I’m in a down mood. I might as well turn on The Smiths like when I was a teenager and cry in the closet.

So I listen to the Fratellis and the Mavericks. Fun music that’ll force me to tap my feet and sing along.

Particular shows are good to watch when I'm in a down mood. For me, Parks and Rec, American Dad, Happy Endings, and Arrested Development help.

The biggest tool is my journal. I can rage, whine and/or babble without judgment. Sometimes, I just want to get something out of my system without any feedback. A journal is a great way to express myself without causing harm too. If I’m annoyed with my family or friends, I tell my journal rather than get cranky with the people upsetting me. Finally, I use my journal to problem-solve.

So I used all these tools in March. When I still couldn’t write, I gave myself a vacation. I focused on other work-related tasks but no writing.

Ranked at one point at 155, Junkyard Dog turned out to be my biggest success. I had respected authors telling me they loved the book, and new readers discovered my Bijou books because of JD. The strong sales and pages read came simply from word of mouth. It’s impossible to know what book will catch on and what books will get the cold shoulder from readers.

As much as I loved the positive feedback, I felt overwhelmed. Would the new readers try my other books and feel disappointed? Would my future books seem lame in comparison to Junkyard Dog? I have a rule about avoiding reader feedback when I’m writing. Otherwise, I focus too much on the end product rather than letting the characters tell their stories. With the attention from JD, I struggled with not thinking of readers’ reactions to my next books. This worry gunked up my creative mojo. After many a journal pep talk, I’m regaining my focus.

March is nearly over. Here’s hoping April is all happy-happy, joy-joy, rainbows and kittens.

La Vie En Rose

I’m hardcore obsessed with the song La Vie En Rose, so I’ve included three versions in this blog post.

My eighteenth Bijou book is now live and Junkyard Dog is one of my favorites. The character of Angus Hayes came to me while driving home from the Sassy in Savannah signing last October. We were somewhere in Tennessee when Tigger flipped through channels and stopped on the song "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" by Jim Croce. Of course, everyone knows the lyrics:

And he's bad, bad Leroy Brown

The baddest man in the whole damn town

Badder than old King Kong

And meaner than a junkyard dog

From that song, Hayes was born. I introduced his character in High Voltage, wondering how readers would react to the rude SOB. The reaction was positive, so I jumped straight into the story even while working on Sunday Morning. The reaction to Junkyard Dog has been strong so far. It actually reached the highest ranking for one of my 2.99 books.

With JD published, I feel a little lost creatively. I’ve started several projects including Lost Highway, Black Sheep, an untitled erotic short, and just yesterday Bourbon Blues. None are calling to me just yet, but I suspect the last one might be the easiest since it’s connected to Junkyard Dog.

Even though I want to put out a book a month, I don’t want to stress this momentary writer’s bump (block would be too strong a word). March is always an emotional month for my family. Freckles went to Heaven in March 1993. Pooh’s health spiraled in March 2014. Sally suffered health issues during several years in March. Not every March brings sadness. Tigger was conceived in March. We put down a deposit on our Indiana home and lot in March 2004.

Good or bad, March remains an emotional month so I won’t stress a slow start to my new project.

I must admit a sense of pride at publishing a book a month for five months. One of my problems has always been self-sabotage when it comes to productivity. I get too focused on small details or distracted by unimportant problems until I fall behind. I don’t expect this to happen in 2016. I’ve decided to back out of another signing to allow for more time for writing and family time.

In other news, I learned a BBA from years ago remains focused on my every move. She recently wrote a blog, nearly begging me to out her BookLikes sock account. I don’t know why she’d want me to ruin what she’s built for the last few years. She’s tight with many of her former enemies and seems to enjoy their friendships. Lately, she rarely pimps her secret pen names and spends a lot of time reading and reviewing books by other authors. So why would she want me to out her?

Boredom is the likely answer. She might miss the drama of the old days. No one mentions her or cares what she does anymore. Right now she craves negative attention, but I suspect she’ll eventually be thankful I don’t out her. Drama is overrated and no one would truly care once they learned who was behind the sock account. Oh, one or two might pretend to be horrified and play the victim card. It wouldn’t last long, so why waste everyone’s time when things are comfortable now.

So she’ll need to find drama elsewhere. Maybe she can focus on politics. Every time I log onto Facebook, people are outraged about one thing or another. In the past, I was interested in politics, but this election season is too mean-spirited. Besides, the people I wanted to vote for dropped out early.

I also see a lot of online anger about the tight ebook market. Back in the day, authors became successful by simply hitting publish. Now they can do everything right, yet never sell more than a handful of copies.

So authors look for culprits, but competition isn’t something that can be fixed. We all want to write and be heard. Not all of us will earn enough to pay our bills with our writing. Some authors, who were very successful a year ago, are now struggling. On the other hand, new authors succeed every day. There’s no rhyme or reason, so there’s no point in obsessing over it.

All an author can do is to write for themselves. If they’re making money with books they love to write, that’s great. If they can’t sell the books they love, at least they enjoyed writing them. Chasing the market works occasionally, so there's no harm in authors trying something out of their comfort zone. I didn’t think I’d be good at contemporary romance. My heart belonged to fantasy and horror. Now I’d have trouble returning to paranormal.

One day, I will need to write fantasy again so I can finish my Angela series and get a sense of closure with those characters. With the tight market, I need to focus on Bijou books for the time being. One day, Gigi, Vivi, and Blue will get their endings though.

With the time change, my Sunday is nearly over so I better get organized for the new week. Roo will soon be on Easter break, and the weather has warmed up so yard work waits. Busy, busy.

Angel of the Morning

I know this will sound hokey, but writing can sometimes feel like magic. For the last few months, writing has been that way for me. I’ve had creative grooves before, and I know they don’t last forever. For now, I’m in love with writing.

Yesterday, I produced over 10,000 words in a single day. Certain authors can perform that feat every day, month, and year. I’m not one of them. I average 1000-5000 a day. This last Tuesday, I was flying and couldn’t be stopped.

Today, I uploaded Sunday Morning to Amazon and other outlets. I also finished writing Junkyard Dog. By this weekend, I’ll complete JD's main edit and begin my next book. I’m planning on doubling up like I did with SM and JD. Whenever I get stuck with one, I can jump to the other.

I admire those authors capable of producing books with ease. They’re so in touch with their creative sides, and I swear some of them publish every other week. Authors like Alexa Riley, CM Steele, Jenika Snow, and Sam Crescent, to name a few, are machines. I don’t know how they do it, but they’re my damn heroes.

In non-hero news, I was on FB the other day and spotted the particular author I dislike so much for her affinity for the R-word. In the past, she was blocked because I wanted to pretend she didn’t exist. Of course, she’s attending the Dallas signing with me so pretending is now out the window.

The last few weeks, I’ve pushed myself to accept how there are many people who like the R-word. They even find it funny or think it’s daring to say. Anyway, I’m calmer about meeting this author now. I tell myself she’s never been hurt by the word. She doesn’t know anyone who’s been shamed with it. She thinks it’s harmless. Or maybe she uses it, but not on disabled people, so she thinks the word is okay. Whatever the reason she uses it, I’m at peace with the thought of engaging with a woman I disliked only weeks ago.

The reality is most people don’t care about that word like I do. Back in the day, STGRB posted a long explanation about how the word was perfectly okay and I was picking on an author because I was jealous. They really couldn't imagine the word might be offensive to me (or anyone for that matter). I thought they were assholes for championing such a nasty word. They thought I was an asshole for making a big deal out of a harmless word. I was clearly on the side of the angels, right?

Sure, until I looked at Twitter, FB, and every other social site where everyone casually uses the word against both disabled people and “normal” people. There’s no avoiding the R-word.

I’ll always hate the R-word because people have used it to label my sons. Bullies at school often called my oldest that word because he has autism. Even though the word feels ugly to me, I’ll need to accept that like STGRB, the author they posted about, and this author I’ll see in August, the majority of society feel the R-word is no big deal. I can't change the fact that I'm in the minority.

With my newfound calmness about this author, I’m even more psyched about Dallas. Until then, I plan to write and write and write some more. My goal is to publish six more Bijou books in 2016. Fingers crossed my writing magic continues for a while longer.

Last week, I published my first box set. I don’t know why I took so long to put one together. I’ve bought my friends’ box sets plenty of times, and they’re great deals. I am pretty proud of the main cover for the Little Memphis MC set. It’s my first cover in awhile and my first box set design.

Miranda is still creating covers and not only for me. She did this one and that one for Forbes West. I keep telling Candy Girl to go pro, but she doesn't need the hassle. Apparently, authors can be high-maintenance to deal with. WHAT? I don't know where she got that idea. :P

I should probably return to editing Junkyard Dog if I want to get it finished by this weekend. My next two books have different vibes than my normal Bijou stories so I’ll likely need more time to plot. If so, I really should get started if I plan to publish one of them by April.

Hope the weather isn’t too wild where you are! We’re experiencing a snowstorm only days after enjoying beautiful 70-degree weather. I moved to Indiana for the changing seasons, and it hasn't disappointed.

I Told You I Was Mean

So far, so good. My plan to publish a book a month remains on schedule. I know this pace won’t last past April, but I’m still excited to be more productive.

Sunday Morning will be published next. The novelette was originally meant for a biker themed anthology connected to the OAMC signing. I won’t be able to travel to Mississippi this June, so I’m publishing the short story on my own at the end of February.

I never really intended to write about Kirk and Jodi Johansson. For years, readers requested their story, but I felt their relationship was too complicated because of the age difference. Besides, I always viewed them as the parents from the Damaged series rather than a main couple.

I did enjoy writing the story. With the Ramsey Security series, the characters were well off financially. I missed my down on their luck, rougher characters.

After Sunday Morning, I’ll focus on finishing Junkyard Dog. I’m really digging this book. Hayes and Candy are fun characters. He’s my fave kind of hero. The big jerk that mellows once he finds the right woman.

In the spring, I plan to start a project I’ve been toying with since January 2014. Lost Highway could turn into a train wreck, and I’ll likely publish it under a pen name. If the book comes out like I imagine it, the plot does not fit the Bijou brand. Of course, my books often take off in odd directions so who knows what will happen with this one.

Even though I had to bail on the MS signing, I still plan to attend Deliciously Dirty in Dallas. I have several friends going including Aimie Grey. One author who signed up has me worried though.

I really, really don’t like this woman. When I saw her name on the banner, I was instantly pissed at the thought of meeting her. This won't be the first time I've attended signings with authors I dislike. Usually though, the authors I don’t like, don’t like me in return. We avoid each other. Easy peasy, everyone’s happy.

This author doesn’t know I dislike her. She likely barely knows I exist. Last year though, I saw her post something that angered me tremendously. She’s one of those people that love throwing around the R word.

Now because she writes in my sub-genre and we share author friends, I’ll no doubt meet her. I can’t avoid it without being obviously rude. These signings are part of my job and throwing a fit at one can’t happen.

I’ve decided to work on my hatred of the R word. Mostly, I want to learn to calmly accept how many people find the word acceptable. I’ve already taken steps to embrace this new way of thinking. By August, I should be able to look into this author's eyes and not judge her at all. That’s the plan anyway.

So I’ve been more productive this year and I’m learning to deal with certain kinds of people. What else is new? Photoshop! I’ve learned two new skills! Yes, I’m aware there are hundreds of things Photoshop can do, but I’m not a very visual person. Fortunately, YouTube is full of videos to help dorks like me learn.

I’m currently working on a few box set designs. I also plan to create new Damaged covers. April will mark the three-year anniversary of my first Bijou book. With the upcoming audio books, I figured now was a good time to give the series a fresh look.

January was a busy month and February is proving to be even more so. Roo is working hard with homeschooling, Tigger is really into action flicks lately, and Pooh is settling into his new house. Sally is in reader heaven this week with new releases from some of her favorite UF authors.

Well I better get back to editing. I hope everyone stays warm during this odd winter. I'll leave you with another great song by one of my fave new singers.

Every Little Thing

High five for book… Well let’s just count the Bijou and Dakota ones and say high five for book 20!

2016 is here and it’s already proving to be a productive year! I published High Voltage this week. The final Ramsey Security book means I’m free to start new series. I have three current projects.

My first project is Sunday Morning (formerly Seether). The short story is for an MC-themed anthology tied to the OAMC signing I’m attending in late June. I never intended to write a romance between Cooper Johansson’s parents, but readers kept asking for it. The short story will allow me to end the Damaged series with the romance that started it all.

My second project is Junkyard Dog. Hayes from High Voltage already has quite a few fans. Now he’ll get his own book. It currently looks to be a standalone story but could stretch out to involve a second book for the heroine’s sister. I never know exactly where books will lead.

The final project is one I began after my trip to North Carolina last August. Black Sheep is the first of a two book MC series. I already have 7000 words completed from last year before I stopped writing to focus on the Ramsey books. Yesterday, I read over a funny scene with the hero and heroine’s first date. I look forward to returning to the project.

My birthday was this week. I worked at Denny’s in the morning (free Grand Slam) before coming home and enjoying family time. The best gift I can give myself is productivity. It feels good to write so easily these days.

My plan is to write like crazy this winter and spring, knowing I’ll have to slow down when the signings begin in June. Until then, I have plenty to keep myself busy!

Happy New Year!